FAT FACE DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (more about him later, twat flap)
I’m so sorry for not writing more often and that is why these blogs are so long but I’ve been soooooooooo busy at work and I’ve got my report to write and I’m in the process of moving to Italy. So Friday, managed to skive the afternoon off work as Leanne and Cody were coming, but by the time I got to the bus stop I’d just missed a bus so had to wait half an hour for the next one, then when the bus did come, I got on it, but didn’t know it had changed its route so it took me all the way to the other side of town, so by the time I had walked from there and got into my house, I only had half an hour extra free, so lesson learned, do not skive and lie at work!
So went home and tried cleaning the house, but smelly arse came so I couldn’t do it for ages. When he eventually left I managed to scrub it from top to bottom, and he must be the filthiest person I have had the unpleasure to meet as I had only cleaned it the day before and the water was black filthy. He is a dirty scruffy tramp.
Anyway legs it down to the coach station; Cody and Leanne were nowhere to be seen. So I phoned them and Cody was like yeah we are still on the coach, Leanne doesn’t recognise where we are. I’m so gullible, I always believe stuff like that, but that’s because I honestly never believe people lie to me, it takes a while to twig on you see ;-p So very funny and hilarious they jumped out from behind (Cody likes it from behind!) I screamed like a girl in front of well-fit policemen L
So we had to go to the old English court there as I hadn’t had time to get food in. We ended up buying our alcohol supplies and because they had brought their bags I had to carry the 4 bottles of 2-litre coke that we had bought. They was well heavy too, but I struggled on regardless without complaint. As we was walking though, I swear I saw fat face driving his car, didn’t let on though so I thought it mustn’t be…
We nearly got to my house and I was thinking thank fook (Leona stop using the word fook on you’re my space and other profiles that you have please oh and also skidaddle and if you use the word twat flap, I’m afraid I’m going to have to sue as it is my trademark and I know how much you have in your ISA mwahahahaha!)anyway I was thinking than fick I’m near my house as I can put these heavy as fook bottles down and as I was thinking this daydreaming and looking at the clouds, etc, I wasn’t watching (stop laughing Cody and Leanne) where I was going, so I kind of stepped into a little pot hole that was dangerously in the pavement. Well, my knee and ankle bent different ways and because I was carrying the coke bottles on my front they kind of weighed me down so I did a kind of aeroplane landing impression with my arms out like wings my head pointing towards the floor, and I must have looked a right tit cos I was doing that but running for ages as well, then I managed to get my balance and stand up, but then I just smacked on the floor. I kind of looked around all dazed as it really knocked me for 6. Cody and Leanne restrained themselves from laughing until I gave them my blessing to. They both said I looked a right nob but the funniest thing was my face. I kind of sat on the floor, looking round with confusion mouth wide open, eyes in disbelief like I had no idea how I had got there. I was slightly dazed and confused though, I did just twat my head off the pavement. Although writing this now, I find it so funny, I really wish I could have seen it from their point of view. I was absolutely mortified at the time that they, out of all the people (if it was Caroline, she no way would have laughed) to have seen it, it had to be them two. Although I’m glad I had someone with me as if that would have happened on my own, I would have had no one to scurry away in embarrassment with L It was fookin hilarious, although from my bruising Cody said that I have burst a blood vessel as I have a big lump on my palm. Cody is a bit of a wannabe doctor though as he also diagnosed me with scabies, more about that later! So we went home I fed Leanne as me and Cody were not hungry and we dranked and skidaddled on down to Raspa bar. Unfortunately the really really fit bar man I’m in love with wasn’t there, but we was going there for Cody really as he likes that type of music. I also made friends with my first Spanish cat, it followed us for like 20 mins, (well I say us, it was only really me, it was so sweet, no collar so if I wasn’t leaving in 2 weeks, I well would have had that cat)
Anyway, had an alright time there and this was when Cody diagnosed me with scabies. Leanne thinks its eczema, basically I have really dry skin on my hands that has been bleeding. I’ll go pharmacist tonight and seek professional help, just to put my mind at rest. Anyway Cody wanted to go somewhere and dance so I took him to Ettro, he doesn’t like this club, but like I say, you have to see the positives, its free, its cheap and its open until half 7 in the morning, and its 2 minutes away from my house, what more do you want? And you do get used to the music after a while and you actually look forward to all the fat man scoop that they play (lift your leg up, everybody dance now) but we ended up going at like 5 in the morning as we were supposed to be going to Valencia the next day.
Well Valencia didn’t happen as we didn’t actually get to the train station until like half four and the next train wasn’t until 5:25, although whilst we were there, I bought my train ticket for Barcelona for when I go to Italy. Ah, that was quite tear inducing L although after the shoddy treatment off the likes of fat face, Italy-bring it on! On the way to the train station Leanne went arse over tit! It wasn’t as funny or undignified as me falling she only slipped and fell one leg stretched out in front of her and the other leg she had fallen on her knee, but managed to grab on to me when she fell, so even though it was quite funny I bet my fall was the funniest they have seen in their entire lives, lol!
We ended up nipping into El Corte Inglés and I can’t quite remember why though, but Leanne decided to print some photos off using the little machine thing. Well she only went and broke it didn’t she. We asked for some assistance and the lady took her memory card and disappeared for half an hour and we faffed about for ages in there. I would say all in all we was in there for half an hour. Eventually we got Leannes fotos printed and then dandered on all the way through Parque Ribalta, until Leanne realised that the woman had not given her memory card back… so we traipsed all the way back and the people in Corte Inglés are so rude, we were blatantly waiting and there was some woman (who appeared to be the manager, way to go to set a good example) who was just chatting away to her friend! Like how rude! In the end we eventually got the memory card back. In the end we eventually got to Plaza Santa Clara to tomar algo. So anyway we was tomaring algo when I seen Sergio’s little brother walk past. He is friends with fat face. The whole of Fat faces friends were there and let on to me but fat face didn’t. I’m not actually sure if ha was there, but I’m sure I saw someone who resembled him from behind-not letting on to me, I really should change his name to twat face!
Anyway as we was leaving we walked past a Kodak shop so Cody wanted to print his pictures there. Then Leanne decided she wanted one of tem 2 blown up, then we eventually left. Nearly got to my house, when Leanne realised that her purse wasn’t in her bag… So we had to run all the way back to the shop, luckily for her it was still there.
Wanted to make them a shepherd’s pie went to the supermarket but they didn’t have any mince left. We had to make do with buying burgers to separate the meat and make it into mince. We didn’t end up eating til like midnight or something, and Cody didn’t peel enough potatoes so it had to be spread very thinly. I was absolutely knackered after the pressure of entertaining and cooking a meal and thought I would have a little sleep whilst Leanne and Cody were getting ready… Big mistake, as then I didn’t want to wake up ever! So we eventually toddled out straight to Ettro at like half 2 in the morning.
I’m actually mortified about this now, that’s why it has taken so long for me to write this entry, painful, embarrassing memories, but I blame Leanne and Cody a little bit as they should have actually, physically restrained me, but fat face didn’t come for ages and in this time I actually drank myself silly. I’m not sure when he arrived, but I eventually spotted him, I know for a fact that he saw me but he never bothered to come and say hello. Then I see him flirting with some girl on the stairs in front of full view of everyone. I turned my back to this as I would not let him have the satisfaction of him seeing me flirting away.
Anyhoo, these two lads came over to talk to me and Verity, I honestly can’t remember what they looked like, Leanne said they were full beasts, but I think we’ve all established that if I go for people with huge heads then I don’t really have that much taste, lol! Anyhoo, when I get drunk I always get a bit touchy-feely so I was touchy-feely with them and fat face seen and he was not at all happy, him and all his friends kept looking over and pointing and fatty looked a bit pissed off. I kept going toilet like every 10 seconds, but whenever I drink I always go toilet, although no one believes me, Leanne and Cody well think I was doing it to walk past fatty but I didn’t really wanna walk past him in the state I was in, but I would rather not wet myself in front of anyone either. Anyway I seen fatty about to leave so I eventually went to speak to him. He was like I’m off home, I’m going to sleep, like I’m bothered, you wasn’t coming here with me anyway. Anyway we was chatting a bit then Leanne come over and took a picture of fatty, he will regret that til the day he dies as now Cody is going to put Mr. Bean in a sexual pose with fatty hopefully. So that will get shown to as many peeps as possible before I leave in 2 weeks.
Anyway, I fully followed him out to the butty shop, this is where I embarrassed myself, I just waffled away to myself about random shit, Cody said I was being a bit aggressive, but that was because Cody had a wank and cum all over my shower and he was moaning all night about how I fed him dead animal as the gravy wasn’t vegetarian, get over it, what a hypocrite, you drink wine that isn’t vegetarian. Anyway, Fatty called Cody a faggot, so Cody was like what did you just say? And then fat face was like oh no I called my friend a faggot, likely story, and he told my friend Verity that even though she speaks really good Spanish he doesn’t like her! Although she did go up to him and called him a bastard, but that is because he is.
And I kept standing there going on in English about how he is a brief wearing bender and he was eating oranges in my kitchen naked and how he really isn’t all that big, despite what I told him. And about the time that he moaned because I took up all the room in my bed, but that is because I had to, his head took up all the pillow space.
And fatty’s friends asked if they could come and stay at my house when I’m in England, so I was like yeah, and they seemed shocked, not arsed, if they wanna come, they can come, really doesn’t bother me, so we shall see come next September shall we… It would be absolutely hilarious if they came!
Eventually get home and Cody and Leanne said I looked like a proper keeno. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Next week I will apologise for my drunken behaviour just the bit where I was being aggressive and embarrassing though, nothing else, wish fatty a nice life and leave it at that. I dunno who on earth he thinks he is at all, there was no at all reason to ignore me at all, a hello would have been nice. What a twat, that has seriously put me off him.
Anyway, Leanne and Cody got off to Madrid ok, I’m gonna actually miss not being in the same country as Leanne. Even though we are 5 and a half hours away, and it seems ages away, but in comparison to me being in a different country L Anyway, me and Leanne are going to live together next year so hopefully we will have a scrotum sack full of laughter.
Leona phoned me the next day and was giving me advice as she is now loved up with a silver van man, and she basically said, fat face has had his wicked way by doing you and so now I need to go out and do someone else, but I don’t know exactly what she wants me to “do” with someone else…
Random Word of the Day: chocho = pussy! (not the cat variety)
Total word count of the day: 2528 words
I’m so sorry for not writing more often and that is why these blogs are so long but I’ve been soooooooooo busy at work and I’ve got my report to write and I’m in the process of moving to Italy. So Friday, managed to skive the afternoon off work as Leanne and Cody were coming, but by the time I got to the bus stop I’d just missed a bus so had to wait half an hour for the next one, then when the bus did come, I got on it, but didn’t know it had changed its route so it took me all the way to the other side of town, so by the time I had walked from there and got into my house, I only had half an hour extra free, so lesson learned, do not skive and lie at work!
So went home and tried cleaning the house, but smelly arse came so I couldn’t do it for ages. When he eventually left I managed to scrub it from top to bottom, and he must be the filthiest person I have had the unpleasure to meet as I had only cleaned it the day before and the water was black filthy. He is a dirty scruffy tramp.
Anyway legs it down to the coach station; Cody and Leanne were nowhere to be seen. So I phoned them and Cody was like yeah we are still on the coach, Leanne doesn’t recognise where we are. I’m so gullible, I always believe stuff like that, but that’s because I honestly never believe people lie to me, it takes a while to twig on you see ;-p So very funny and hilarious they jumped out from behind (Cody likes it from behind!) I screamed like a girl in front of well-fit policemen L
So we had to go to the old English court there as I hadn’t had time to get food in. We ended up buying our alcohol supplies and because they had brought their bags I had to carry the 4 bottles of 2-litre coke that we had bought. They was well heavy too, but I struggled on regardless without complaint. As we was walking though, I swear I saw fat face driving his car, didn’t let on though so I thought it mustn’t be…
We nearly got to my house and I was thinking thank fook (Leona stop using the word fook on you’re my space and other profiles that you have please oh and also skidaddle and if you use the word twat flap, I’m afraid I’m going to have to sue as it is my trademark and I know how much you have in your ISA mwahahahaha!)anyway I was thinking than fick I’m near my house as I can put these heavy as fook bottles down and as I was thinking this daydreaming and looking at the clouds, etc, I wasn’t watching (stop laughing Cody and Leanne) where I was going, so I kind of stepped into a little pot hole that was dangerously in the pavement. Well, my knee and ankle bent different ways and because I was carrying the coke bottles on my front they kind of weighed me down so I did a kind of aeroplane landing impression with my arms out like wings my head pointing towards the floor, and I must have looked a right tit cos I was doing that but running for ages as well, then I managed to get my balance and stand up, but then I just smacked on the floor. I kind of looked around all dazed as it really knocked me for 6. Cody and Leanne restrained themselves from laughing until I gave them my blessing to. They both said I looked a right nob but the funniest thing was my face. I kind of sat on the floor, looking round with confusion mouth wide open, eyes in disbelief like I had no idea how I had got there. I was slightly dazed and confused though, I did just twat my head off the pavement. Although writing this now, I find it so funny, I really wish I could have seen it from their point of view. I was absolutely mortified at the time that they, out of all the people (if it was Caroline, she no way would have laughed) to have seen it, it had to be them two. Although I’m glad I had someone with me as if that would have happened on my own, I would have had no one to scurry away in embarrassment with L It was fookin hilarious, although from my bruising Cody said that I have burst a blood vessel as I have a big lump on my palm. Cody is a bit of a wannabe doctor though as he also diagnosed me with scabies, more about that later! So we went home I fed Leanne as me and Cody were not hungry and we dranked and skidaddled on down to Raspa bar. Unfortunately the really really fit bar man I’m in love with wasn’t there, but we was going there for Cody really as he likes that type of music. I also made friends with my first Spanish cat, it followed us for like 20 mins, (well I say us, it was only really me, it was so sweet, no collar so if I wasn’t leaving in 2 weeks, I well would have had that cat)
Anyway, had an alright time there and this was when Cody diagnosed me with scabies. Leanne thinks its eczema, basically I have really dry skin on my hands that has been bleeding. I’ll go pharmacist tonight and seek professional help, just to put my mind at rest. Anyway Cody wanted to go somewhere and dance so I took him to Ettro, he doesn’t like this club, but like I say, you have to see the positives, its free, its cheap and its open until half 7 in the morning, and its 2 minutes away from my house, what more do you want? And you do get used to the music after a while and you actually look forward to all the fat man scoop that they play (lift your leg up, everybody dance now) but we ended up going at like 5 in the morning as we were supposed to be going to Valencia the next day.
Well Valencia didn’t happen as we didn’t actually get to the train station until like half four and the next train wasn’t until 5:25, although whilst we were there, I bought my train ticket for Barcelona for when I go to Italy. Ah, that was quite tear inducing L although after the shoddy treatment off the likes of fat face, Italy-bring it on! On the way to the train station Leanne went arse over tit! It wasn’t as funny or undignified as me falling she only slipped and fell one leg stretched out in front of her and the other leg she had fallen on her knee, but managed to grab on to me when she fell, so even though it was quite funny I bet my fall was the funniest they have seen in their entire lives, lol!
We ended up nipping into El Corte Inglés and I can’t quite remember why though, but Leanne decided to print some photos off using the little machine thing. Well she only went and broke it didn’t she. We asked for some assistance and the lady took her memory card and disappeared for half an hour and we faffed about for ages in there. I would say all in all we was in there for half an hour. Eventually we got Leannes fotos printed and then dandered on all the way through Parque Ribalta, until Leanne realised that the woman had not given her memory card back… so we traipsed all the way back and the people in Corte Inglés are so rude, we were blatantly waiting and there was some woman (who appeared to be the manager, way to go to set a good example) who was just chatting away to her friend! Like how rude! In the end we eventually got the memory card back. In the end we eventually got to Plaza Santa Clara to tomar algo. So anyway we was tomaring algo when I seen Sergio’s little brother walk past. He is friends with fat face. The whole of Fat faces friends were there and let on to me but fat face didn’t. I’m not actually sure if ha was there, but I’m sure I saw someone who resembled him from behind-not letting on to me, I really should change his name to twat face!
Anyway as we was leaving we walked past a Kodak shop so Cody wanted to print his pictures there. Then Leanne decided she wanted one of tem 2 blown up, then we eventually left. Nearly got to my house, when Leanne realised that her purse wasn’t in her bag… So we had to run all the way back to the shop, luckily for her it was still there.
Wanted to make them a shepherd’s pie went to the supermarket but they didn’t have any mince left. We had to make do with buying burgers to separate the meat and make it into mince. We didn’t end up eating til like midnight or something, and Cody didn’t peel enough potatoes so it had to be spread very thinly. I was absolutely knackered after the pressure of entertaining and cooking a meal and thought I would have a little sleep whilst Leanne and Cody were getting ready… Big mistake, as then I didn’t want to wake up ever! So we eventually toddled out straight to Ettro at like half 2 in the morning.
I’m actually mortified about this now, that’s why it has taken so long for me to write this entry, painful, embarrassing memories, but I blame Leanne and Cody a little bit as they should have actually, physically restrained me, but fat face didn’t come for ages and in this time I actually drank myself silly. I’m not sure when he arrived, but I eventually spotted him, I know for a fact that he saw me but he never bothered to come and say hello. Then I see him flirting with some girl on the stairs in front of full view of everyone. I turned my back to this as I would not let him have the satisfaction of him seeing me flirting away.
Anyhoo, these two lads came over to talk to me and Verity, I honestly can’t remember what they looked like, Leanne said they were full beasts, but I think we’ve all established that if I go for people with huge heads then I don’t really have that much taste, lol! Anyhoo, when I get drunk I always get a bit touchy-feely so I was touchy-feely with them and fat face seen and he was not at all happy, him and all his friends kept looking over and pointing and fatty looked a bit pissed off. I kept going toilet like every 10 seconds, but whenever I drink I always go toilet, although no one believes me, Leanne and Cody well think I was doing it to walk past fatty but I didn’t really wanna walk past him in the state I was in, but I would rather not wet myself in front of anyone either. Anyway I seen fatty about to leave so I eventually went to speak to him. He was like I’m off home, I’m going to sleep, like I’m bothered, you wasn’t coming here with me anyway. Anyway we was chatting a bit then Leanne come over and took a picture of fatty, he will regret that til the day he dies as now Cody is going to put Mr. Bean in a sexual pose with fatty hopefully. So that will get shown to as many peeps as possible before I leave in 2 weeks.
Anyway, I fully followed him out to the butty shop, this is where I embarrassed myself, I just waffled away to myself about random shit, Cody said I was being a bit aggressive, but that was because Cody had a wank and cum all over my shower and he was moaning all night about how I fed him dead animal as the gravy wasn’t vegetarian, get over it, what a hypocrite, you drink wine that isn’t vegetarian. Anyway, Fatty called Cody a faggot, so Cody was like what did you just say? And then fat face was like oh no I called my friend a faggot, likely story, and he told my friend Verity that even though she speaks really good Spanish he doesn’t like her! Although she did go up to him and called him a bastard, but that is because he is.
And I kept standing there going on in English about how he is a brief wearing bender and he was eating oranges in my kitchen naked and how he really isn’t all that big, despite what I told him. And about the time that he moaned because I took up all the room in my bed, but that is because I had to, his head took up all the pillow space.
And fatty’s friends asked if they could come and stay at my house when I’m in England, so I was like yeah, and they seemed shocked, not arsed, if they wanna come, they can come, really doesn’t bother me, so we shall see come next September shall we… It would be absolutely hilarious if they came!
Eventually get home and Cody and Leanne said I looked like a proper keeno. I’m so embarrassed and ashamed of myself. Next week I will apologise for my drunken behaviour just the bit where I was being aggressive and embarrassing though, nothing else, wish fatty a nice life and leave it at that. I dunno who on earth he thinks he is at all, there was no at all reason to ignore me at all, a hello would have been nice. What a twat, that has seriously put me off him.
Anyway, Leanne and Cody got off to Madrid ok, I’m gonna actually miss not being in the same country as Leanne. Even though we are 5 and a half hours away, and it seems ages away, but in comparison to me being in a different country L Anyway, me and Leanne are going to live together next year so hopefully we will have a scrotum sack full of laughter.
Leona phoned me the next day and was giving me advice as she is now loved up with a silver van man, and she basically said, fat face has had his wicked way by doing you and so now I need to go out and do someone else, but I don’t know exactly what she wants me to “do” with someone else…
Random Word of the Day: chocho = pussy! (not the cat variety)
Total word count of the day: 2528 words
Labels: FAT FACE DIE
posted by Laura @ 2:20 pm
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